My shower is today!

January 31, 2008. Besides being the date for my shower, today is also Momma's birthday. Some of you may remember that we lost her 7 months ago, so today is filled with various emotions. Pops looks so sad and I feel helpless that I can't do anything to ease his pain. Mike went to North Carolina this weekend, not only to get his car inspected but to put flowers on his Mom's grave.
We'll get through this. I just know wedding day is going to have the same roller coaster of emotions.

On the upside, as I said my shower starts at 2 pm. I need to start getting ready. Mike's sister, niece, and Toya (Shaq's wife) are at the mall now doing last minute shopping. Slow as usual =)

I also got the hint that my bachelorette party is tonight also. I was only told to bring an overnight bag. Oooo, the suspense! I know it's going to be in New York, thanks to the bitter bridesmaid that's no longer with us, but I don't know all the details. Which is good, because I love surprises!

I'll be back with a full report and of course pics!

Prep time!

Hey, hey hey! My shower is tomorrow!

The girls don't know I know but I also know the b-party is afterwards. I think it is in New York. The girls obviously got a hotel room because I've been told so far to bring an overnight bag.
Oooo, the mystery! Ha!

So in preparation for my shower tomorrow (and a night of partying) I'm going to go get my hair and nails done. I already bought a cute dress last week when I was in the mall. I also bought some new jeans and a dressy tank top to wear if we hit the clubs (which I'm sure we will). Right now I'm sitting here debating should I go to the gym or not. ?

2 weeks from tomorrow we leave for Florida!

I knew this was coming....

the RSVP madness. Why don't people just send the damn cards back? I paid money for that little stamp on the back that you've wasted. Thanks.

I think a few of my guests hit a new record. Ignore. Have you been ignored by guests that you felt enough about to invite to your wedding? Well then.

After we passed our RSVP date last Saturday, Mike nearly flipped a gasket. I tried to tell him to calm down and wait a few more days before calling people because some people are just late, slow whatever you want to call them. He called a few people anyway, whatever, his prerogative. I even texted a few on Sunday just telling them I need their RSVPs, hoping they would drop them in the mail on Monday.

So by Wednesday when only 1 of the like, 12 people sent the card back, I'm starting to get pissed. A few answered me by text right away letting me know they were coming just kept forgetting to put it in the mail, yadda yadda yadda. But there were some that just straight ignored my text and still hadn't sent a card. What gives?

Finally I start getting on the phone yesterday. One girl sends me an email totally unrelated to the wedding; I think it was in response to something I forwarded to her that I received. I quickly emailed her back asking what she was going to do, accepts or declines? She finally answers, no, but I'll be at your shower! Okay. The other girl I called, I got her answering machine and left her a message to please call me. 2 minutes later I see my MOH, Mary at work and we're talking about the RSVPs and she said, wait I'm going to call her right now. Guess what? Mary gets her on the phone! I can tell from Mary's end of the convo that the girl is telling her how she's scared to fly, blah blah blah. Finally the answer is no. Why couldn't she just tell me that or better yet send the damn postage paid RSVP postcard back with declines checked off so I know what to do.

People just don't get it but I never thought people were scared, for lack of a better word, to just say no. It's okay. I knew when I planned a destination wedding that everyone wasn't going to be able to make it. And that's fine. That's part of the reason we planned one ;-) lol.

Custom rhinestone iron ons

So part of my gift to my bridesmaids and maids of honor is that I decided to do custom rhinestone iron ons. I like the "Bride" and "Bridesmaids" ones but they may not wear those again. So for each girl, I took their nick names or married names or what they call themselves and made an iron on.

The first one here is for Tiffiny aka Ms. Boss. First you make the words in Word, Publisher, or whatever application you choose. For this one I chose Edwardian Script. You have to stretch the wording, actually it's called kerning, so you have enough space between the letters to place the rhinestones. You change the text in Publisher by right clicking on the word after it's highlighted, choose character spacing and the new box will pop up for you to change the spacing. Once that's done and you're satisfied with how it looks, go to your printer settings. This will vary for each individual as far as how you do this, but you have to print your wording in mirror text.

This is how it looks printed:
Once you have it printed, you take your mylar paper and place it over the wording sticky side up. Tape it down so the words don't move on you. Then, using tweezers place the rhinestones on the sticky paper stone side down, tracing the wording. This is mine completed with the stones:

Once you have all the stones in place, place the backside of the mylar paper back over the sticky side and smooth it out. Voila! You are done. This is my finished iron on:

I made one for each girl and I plan to iron them onto tank tops I purchased from Old Navy. Each tank is a different color depending on their tastes. For example, my MOH Mai, loves purple, so she has a purple tank. I used different fonts with some of them, just playing around. In order, these are English 111 Vivace, Edwardian Script, and Passions Conflict.

Another one for my girl Wendy. She's a Diva, lol. The font is English 111 Vivace:

The top one here is for MOH Mai. I've been calling her Motts since we were 7 years old! The 2nd one is my new last name with our wedding date. I'm putting that one on a light pink tank top to wear on our honeymoon.

This one is for my boyshorts to wear the day of the wedding. The font is English 111 Vivace:

This is going on the back of my hoodie to wear the day of the wedding. The font is Edwardian Script:

That's it. Hopefully this is helpful if you're thinking of doing it yourself. I bought the rhinestones from eBay for about $5, the mylar paper for $5 and each tank for $5. Very cheap DIY project and I think the girls will love them. I actually had so much fun making them, I'm thinking about hiring myself out to make them for others. We'll see.

Catch up!

Whew, it's been a busy few days! I haven't posted since Thanksgiving, I think. We had family up from North Carolina and we had one heck of a weekend. So much has happened since my last post, I don't know where to begin. On top of everything else, I'm back to work and playing catch up from being off since last Tuesday.

Let me see, I'll start by saying that I am now bridal party drama free! Haha. It feels good to have the negativity away from me. I'm not going to go in to detail but it was definitely for the best. When you realize people are not for you, they must be against you and I don't need that mess around me. Peace to the haters!

On another note, Mai ordered her dress! Can you believe it? Everything that girl has been through over the past 5 months and regardless to my protests, she still made it her business to order her dress and be a part of the wedding. I'm amazed, happy, ecstatic, all in one. She really wanted to be a part of our day, no matter what. I love her =) Awww, let me not get emotional here.

Next, I went shopping with Mike's niece and his nephew's girlfriend over the weekend. I was able to get their tank tops from Old Navy for $5 a piece! I plan to use the rhinestone iron-ons to individualize each tank. For instance, his sister is married, so hers will say Mrs. XXX. His niece calls herself "Ms. Boss", so that's what her tank will say. I'm so excited! Hopefully, the rhinestones will come in soon so I can get started. I also purchased them the mini reed diffusers. They smell great; I'm just going to give them a goodie bag, basically with a bunch of stuff in it and then get them each something else. I don't know. I'll keep looking and see what I come up with.

I also received a coupon from eBay for 40% off on December 1 only. I used the coupon to get my garters. Total price wound up being $12! They are Philadelphia Eagles garters, one keepsake and one toss. Mike should really like them =0)

My invites came in, both sets! The VistaPrint invites as well as the 13 bottles that the lady replaced for me. They all made it in one piece, thank goodness! So this weekends' project is to put the boxes together, address and stamp them, and get them ready to be sent out on the 13th. Everything is right on schedule.

I designed my rehearsal dinner invites but I haven't ordered them yet. Well, actually not invites but menus. Next project is the brochures to go in the out of town boxes, which I'm purchasing from another knottie for an excellent price.

Whoo! That was a mouthful! I'm done for now and I'll return on Friday with pics of everything new. Goodnight. ^-^

Oh, I almost forgot, I received my My Publisher photobook. Love it! I used our engagement pictures and I got 2 for the price of 1! I'm thinking about gifting one to my parents. The quality is amazing and so many knotties recommend them. I see why. Definitely making a parent's wedding album with them. I'll post pics of it in the near future. Goodnight, seriously this time.

Inhale, exhale, repeat.

Here we go again. Last night I get a long email from one of the bridesmaids basically telling me and Mike (she CC'd him) that she's "feeling some type way about the wedding". Her feelings stem from quite a few issues that really either have nothing to do with my doing or are so minimal that they shouldn't matter.

Issue 1: I didn't tell her the dresses were in. Hello? The salon instructed me not to tell the girls the dresses were in. Why? Because fittings won't start until mid December or early January. No need to run to the salon, especially since they want the balance paid before you even slip into the dress. The way most are complaining they are broke, figured you might want to use the extra time before dishing out any funds.

Issue 2: Why I didn't tell her pregnant bridesmaid dropped out and another girl was in. Why didn't I tell her? Because I didn't feel the need to. Seriously, after sending 2 separate emails at separate times about the MOH, who was a possible in or out, and then my sister dropping out as Matron of Honor, I didn't feel up to it. Simple as that. It's really not necessary; plus pregnant girl calls her everyday so you mean to tell me she didn't tell you? I know she did. Stop it.

Issue 3: 2 of the girls won't call or email her back about the bridal shower/bachelorette plans. And I have what to do with this? Seriously, I don't know what they are planning and I'm not supposed to know. I love surprises! They haven't called you back for their reasons that guess what? They can tell you best. So I called them both and asked them to put their differences aside or whatever the issue is and just give her a ring and fill her in. Done.

Issue 4: Oh yeah, this was a loooonnnnngggg email. Issue 4 is why is Mike all in my business? Excuse me? First of all, I met this bridesmaid through Mike. She is supposed to be his female BF. Cool. We became cool over the years, hence her inclusion in the wedding party. So, I explain to her that Mike is only involved because he wanted to make sure things were happening or at least going smoothly. If Mike had to plan the bridal shower himself, it was going down. He just wants to make sure I'm happy and I get treated as I deserve.

Before I could call her Mike promptly called her and let her know, his words, how selfish it was of her to email me that long novel when I don't need to be stressed. He also told her it would've been best to call instead of an informal email with matters that you feel are THAT serious. After she talks to Mike, she calls me and apologizes if she upset me but she just wanted to let me know that she wanted to be involved in planning "my special day." I'm so tired of this reference; it's the last thing pregnant girl said before bowing out. Some special day to you, huh. Not really.

All I know is there aren't many people who are going to be as excited about your wedding as you are, for whatever the reason. This experience thus far has been an eye opening one; I know who's really friends of mine and I know who to keep at an arms distance. Funny I had warning signs before that I overlooked but my eyes are wide open now, believe me honey.

Sorry this is so long, I just needed to get this out and what better place to do it! I am determined not to allow anyone to aggravate me, stress me or take away from the wonderful time that's to be had by all. The shower is planned for January 31, 2008 (Mikes' mom's birthday, actually). I already have my keepsake invite, which is gorgeous by the way! I'm so thankful to have people there who actually do want to make sure that I have a good send off from being a bachelorette to becoming a Mrs. in 3 months.

Time to register

Well, after what seems to be much drama, one of my Bridesmaids texted me today and ask me where we are registered. Huh? Honestly, I didn't think to register because I didn't think about people buying wedding gifts and I didn't think I would be having a shower. She basically confirmed today that she is handling things and a shower is under way. Yay! Secretly, I'm happy. So we're off tomorrow to Bed, Bath and Beyond to register. Here comes the fun part.

I also spoke to my MOH today and she told me there is no way she is not being a part of my wedding. I didn't even bring up wedding because I didn't want to hit her with anything at this point; I just want her to focus on her. However, I am so touched but I also reassured her that I didn't want her to put any strain on herself considering what she has just been through. There is so much to do to catch her up with everything and hopefully we can rush order her a dress. I'm just happy that she is doing better; she sounds great and seems to have a new outlook on life in general.

We'll see how everything plays out. First, I'm going to call the bridal salon on Monday and see if putting a rush order in is doable.

Home sweet home!

I called Mai on Friday and gave them the security code as usual in order to speak to her. A few minutes later the woman who answered the phone comes back to tell me they don't have anyone there by that name. Yippee, my girl is outta there! It's about time! I called her sister after I hung up with the hospital to confirm, and she told me that it was true. I am so relieved.

I haven't called her yet; I want to give her a few days to settle in and then I'll reach out. I just pray that everything works out for her. I'm not even going to bring up the wedding unless she does; I don't expect her to be able to still be my MOH, but I hope, as I said before that she can at least be in attendance. In the unlikely event she still wants to be in it, we are going to have to see what magic we can make happen in order to rush her a dress. The other girls ordered their dresses almost 2 months ago, and they aren't even due in until January. Yikes. We'll take it one day at a time.

It won't be long now....

I talked to Mai today, and like the last conversation, she sounds great. I was a little concerned when I called and the lady that answered the phone asked her could she make it to the phone. Once she got to the phone she told me that a test they performed on her on Friday required a medication that has her 'unbalanced'. She told me she's walking with a walker but it helps to keep her balance. The test they performed required them retrieving fluid from her spinal cord, which she said doesn't hurt her today, but it sounds like a serious test. Sort of like when they give women epidurals, except they were extracting fluid for testing.

She sounds upbeat and determined to be outta there in the near future. She said she is going to give it about another week so they can get the test results. She also told me that they no longer believe she is depressed but she believes she may have had a breakdown. That sounds more like what happened, in my humble opinion. I think she just had too much going on at once between her home life, her job, and just not being happy with where she was in her life at that point that it took a toll on her emotionally.

In my heart, I know she will walk away from this experience with a new found attitude towards life and she will make it her business to look out for HER first, so she can find happiness.

Party or Not?

It has come to my attention that there seems to be some problems with organizing a bridal shower and bacholerette party for me. Different bridesmaids are saying different things to Mike and it's starting to annoy me. You wanna know how I really feel? Listen, yes, I know that the only obligation of the bridal party is to buy the dress and be there wedding day. Who said that I don't know, but I understand it, not necessarily agree with but understand. It seems to me that being in a bridal party, may cost more than buying a dress. Period. Especially if things are discussed beforehand. They asked me what I wanted early on, I'm talking about over a year ago when the wedding was originally planned for Jamaica. I told them then I wanted a shower and b-party, you asked so I told.

After my sister dropped out of the wedding party and my MOH wound up in the hospital, one of the bridesmaids seemed to be taking the initiative. She asked me to email her the places I wanted to go. That was months ago, so obviously going anywhere out of the state or country is out of the question. Fine. Recently 2 of them asked for the list of who I wanted to invite. Okay, I put that together, now I'm hearing all these excuses. Why ask me then?

What this really boils down to is this: don't ask me what I want and act like you're planning it when it doesn't seem like much progress is being made. When I'm hearing that this one doesn't have the cash, that one has this obligation, another one is waiting for everyone else to call her and so on. Cool, I understand that you all have lives and my wedding is important to me, it should be. However, let me know straight up, so I can plan accordingly. No I'm not going to throw myself a shower. But I will set up something local where those who want to party with me can and those who don't won't. Simple as that.

This wedding thing is only a one time deal for me. I want to remember it as such. Without the drama and without the passing the buck.

Today was a good day....

Update on my MOH:

I just got off the phone with her and today she sounds great! We actually had a wonderful conversation. I hung up feeling a renewed sense of hope that she will be out of there sooner than later. I don't want to go all into our convo but trust me that she is on her way to starting over once she gets out. I'm so happy right now because she has come a long way. Like I usually tell her, I am there for her for whatever she needs that I can provide and I love her. I'll check with her later in the week and provide an update then.

In the meantime, I'm going to start dinner: Barbecue turkey wings, cabbage with smoked turkey and brown rice pilaf. Yummy.....Dessert will be Oreo cookies with milk. =) I know, I know I'm missing the soul food dessert but what can I say? I had a taste for some oreos and tomorrow I get back on my workout grind. Later.....

"Rescue Me"

I arrived at the hospital yesterday at exactly 1pm and gave the admission desk Mai's full name for visitation. He asked for the security code then told me that visiting hours were over, but he'd send me back there anyway to see if they would let us in. I mistakenly thought visitation was from 12:30-1:30 pm. We made it to the area and spoke with the intake nurse who told us the same thing, visitation was over. She then asked, "Where are you from?" I told her New Jersey and she seemed to think it warranted at least a try to the charge nurse, since we traveled so far. Lucky for us, the charge nurse must've agreed and they let us in. We couldn't take cell phones, pocketbooks, food, basically nothing. I was warned of this prior to coming so I just left my purse in the car and Mike didn't have anything with him anyway.

The first receptionist unlocks a door and directs us where we need to walk, to another door where someone will open that door for us also. As I walk down this long blank hallway, I am filled with anticipation of what my girl is going to look like, will she know who I am, and how she will act. I get to the end of the hallway and am somewhat confused, no one comes out to us and we are facing three different doors. This wasn't mentioned by the receptionist. A few minutes goes by and fresh faced young lady opens the door to our right and leads us in. We follow only to see a community room with a table in the middle of the floor facing a caged in television. The lady points to a door where Mai is.

I walk in her room. She says, "Hey". I say, "Hey" back. Brief pause. We embrace and she leads me out to the community room. We sit and talk for a good while. She is talking sensibly and knows what's going on. She tells me they don't know what's wrong with her, what her diagnosis is, how long she will be there, nothing. Then she tells me, she wants to go home. Dreams about foods she'll eat when she gets out. My eyes start to well and I fight back tears. She continues but I can tell whatever meds they have her on, are no good. Her pupils are dancing before my eyes, right, left, right left. She can't focus on me. Her balance is off, like her equilibrium is off. What are they doing to my dear friend? Now I'm getting pissed, but I hold back. She tells me again, I want out of here. But I can't do anything about it. Only family can get her out. If they want to.

We talk for a a little more, but then her food comes and her attention is diverted. After I watch her movements and talk a little more I tell her it's time for us to hit the road home. We have a road trip ahead of us, plus we left Mike's father in the lobby waiting for us. He went to see some of the nice folks on the hospital floor Mike's mom was on, not too long ago, before we lost her in June. So we both hug Mai, I tell her I love her and will do what I can. I tell her to get well and get the hell out of that place asap. I try to lighten the mood and tell her she has a dress to buy and a wedding to attend. She replies, "Oh, I'll be outta here, wayyyy before then". I just smile, fighting back tears and thinking to myself, I hope so. I really do.

We walk out and as soon as she's out of sight, I let it out. Mike holds me while I cry on his shoulder. This is jacked up, I say. I can't protect her. I can't do a thing for her in here. You see, years ago, I was the one who would rescue Mai. She was always a mild mannered quiet type, who didn't like confrontation and surely didn't want to fight. I would step in when someone bothered her; sort of like her protector. I had no problem putting my fist to someones face if they bothered her because she didn't bother anyone. Now I can't protect her or rescue her from this crazy place she's in. I'm pissed.

Don't take it personal

I arrived in North Carolina early Friday morning Sep 12, after driving all night and working 8 hours. Around 12 noon, I decided to call my MOH to see how she was doing and if I could come and see her. The first woman that answered the phone asked my name, which they never did before, and then put me on hold. After a few minutes another lady comes on the line, asks me my name, then says Mai isn't taking any calls. I quickly asked her to tell Mai who was on the phone and that I was in town and wanting to come see her. After all, Mai would LOVE to see me, right? The lady returns to the phone after a few minutes only to tell me I should try back later. What? Fine. I hang up. Confused, I don't know what to feel.

The next visiting hours are after 5pm so after I take a quick nap I call back at exactly 5pm. After two transfers I'm told Mai isn't taking any calls. Okay. Again, I hang up, confused. Angry. Not at Mai, but at the situation. It stinks.

I decide to call Mai's sister, Jo, so I can let her know about this latest convo, or lack of it. Jo assures me what I came to realize prior to calling her: Don't take it personal, she loves and would love to see you. It's them (the hospital staff) that insist she doesn't want to be bothered. I feel in my heart that this may not be the case, but I decide I am marching straight up to the hospital before I head hundreds of miles home. Empty and without a visit.

I've got the MOH blues

Well, I called my MOH (Maid of Honor) today to see how she was doing and it wasn't a great conversation. For the entire 13 minute conversation I kept asking questions to spark conversation, but she'd only give me one word answers, if she answered at all.

You see, my MOH has been in a hospital, the mental ward nonetheless, since July 15, my 30th birthday. Apparently, she had too much on her financial and emotional plate to handle. It's amazing to talk to someone one day and all is well and then the next she sounds like a totally different person.

I still call her my MOH because that's what she is even though reality is telling me everyday that I'll be lucky if she can even ATTEND the wedding, let alone stand next to me. I just pray for her to get out of that damn hospital and back to her life. I miss her and I love her. I just called her sister to get any updates she might have that I don't know about, but I have a feeling she is just wasting time and withering away, physically and mentally, in that hospital.